LITTLE SIN GROWS IN THE DARK

Shera O’Neal

I met my husband, Trey, at church. Ironically, it was the same church that we would be married in about a year later. I was a freshman attending the Christian college where Trey had just transferred to in the small Wisconsin town where I grew up. I knew pretty much everyone – whether it was through my parents who taught at the school, or my 3 older siblings. I had recently sworn off boys…you know, the whole “bad break up thing,” but as we slowly started to get to know each other, I quickly forgot about that. There was nothing fussy about our relationship…we just really liked each other. We weren’t officially dating, but there was definitely a spark. After summer break (which was pre-cell phones, so communication was sporadic), he came back to school and we hit it off big from the moment I picked him up at the airport to start football pre-season. We spent every free minute we had together and loved every second of it. He was so good looking, he made me laugh, we seemed to want the same things in life…oh, and that cute Texas drawl! Despite being at a Christian college, we definitely did not have healthy boundaries set up. Our relationship became sexual after a few months, and not too long after that, we learned that we were expecting a baby. It was not a question in our mind what the next step would be, so we were married just a couple months later.


This was the first time I had been really caught in my sin. I accepted Christ when I was 5 and never doubted what He had done for me, but I never really understood it. I knew Christ died for me and loved me, yet it all seemed more like a list of man-made rules to follow if I wanted to be a “good Christian.” Most people around me, including myself, stayed in constant sin patterns, but as long as they weren’t the “big sins,” it was usually acceptable. Or as long as you knew how to hide them well enough, that seemed equally acceptable as well. The idea of confessing my sins to others so they can keep me accountable in my sin struggles was not a thought in my mind. James 5:16 calls us to confess to others so that we can pray for each other and we can have healing. God’s plan for Christ-followers is to be open and humble with where we struggle…so we can help each other through it, so we can bear each other’s burdens, so we can have accountability, so we can know we are not alone in our sin struggles, so we can help each other not continue in habits that are not life-giving.


Although this situation was humbling, we continued in a legalistic environment, so much of how I dealt with my own sin stayed the same. We struggled in our marriage, though not all the time, and coming from two Christian families who confronted conflict so differently made resolving difficult. We attended  and served in church regularly, both in Wisconsin and later when our growing family moved to Texas. I stayed in the Word for the most part, but we did not have true Biblical community where we could openly talk about our sin struggles. So although we looked like a good Christian family from the outside, we had no idea how to resolve conflict and truly love the way we were called to. My “little” sins I had held onto for years continued: sins of pride, gossip, discontentment, dishonesty, and being judgmental. I didn’t look at those sins as if they were things that really would affect my life. I really thought I was doing pretty well…even with the average state of our marriage.


We hit a really busy season in our family about 8 years ago. We had 4 kids under 7. I stayed home, but also did what I could to make ends meet…all while trying to go back to school. My quiet time with the Lord was pushed out of the busy schedule, and it became a time where I was not rooted in much of anything other than myself. All those “little” sins began to rear their heads in ugly ways. My pride kept me thinking I could do one more day without being in the Word, and that I could put myself in precarious situations and be fine. It kept me from believing God’s Word when it says that the devil is a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1Peter 5:8). My discontentment told me that there had to be an easier way to do life than the craziness that ours currently held. My dishonesty made it seem like the easy thing was to hide the little sins that ultimately led to the big sins. The big sin being an extra-marital affair. I never went looking for it, but I never guarded myself against it either. The deeper I continued in that relationship, the stronger I felt like our marriage could never weather this storm. Our marriage hadn’t been strong to begin with, but now I was in such a dark and sick place that it all seemed hopeless (just as David’s sin in Psalm 32 made him physically ill). But, as I was found out, there was a glimmer of hope. Trey, who I thought would NEVER forgive me, began to show me the Gospel played out in the most practical way…forgiveness. He gave it when I needed it most and when I deserved it least.


The Gospel was forever changed in my mind because of my deep depravity during that season. Seeing the dark place where those “little” and “big” sins took me, finally made me understand my desperate need for a Savior. And the uglier my sin was, the more I realized how much a perfect God would have to love me to send His only Son to die for me. And not die for all the great things I have done, but just the opposite…for the worst things I have done. He paid the price I deserved (death), and gave me life instead. My mind was blown. For so long, my focus on my salvation had been that God was allowing me a place in Heaven for Eternity…I had completely missed that He paid for my current sins. He set me free from the shame and guilt. I don’t have to live in the shadow of my sin, but can now live in the light.


Trauma is hard to come back from. Initially, Trey and I had one couple that we could process through tough things with, and when they moved away, we felt alone. We wanted so badly to have healing in our marriage, but we had no idea how to get there. God graciously allowed us to find Re:engage, a bible-based marriage enrichment program, as it was launched at a church in Rockwall, TX. As we sat and shared what our marriage had been through in a small group setting for the first time, we experienced our first taste of Biblical community. We could be honest and weren’t judged. We were encouraged, loved, and reminded that every marriage has tough times and challenges. When we were trying to find healing on our own, it felt like every marriage other than ours was perfect, but we were now beginning to see that no marriage is perfect, because every marriage involves two sinners. We were also encouraged to press into what a Biblical marriage looks like and live that out. We left that group encouraged, but ended up back in some of our own patterns because we still had no one to talk to outside that group. Basically no one in our church knew what had happened. Again, God graciously allowed us to find Watermark Church almost 4 years ago, where living in biblical community is something we’ve been a part of and seen modeled by so many around us.

We have begun to understand that we can love each other better through understanding how we are loved. We have shared our story with others for the sake of our own healing, as well as to show others that God is good and kind and loving enough to heal a very broken marriage. Because of His Work on the Cross, I understand that this story is NOT ultimately about my sin. It is all about HIM. He has forgiven my sin, healed our marriage, taken away the shame, and

given us boldness to share about Him. We definitely have a Romans 8:28 marriage. God has worked the ugly (very ugly) out for His own good. He has taken the darkest of circumstances and allowed good to come of it. Only a good and gracious Father could allow sweetness to come out of my own mess. I wish I could take the hurt away that I have caused, but I am so grateful that through my mess, God has allowed me to be more like Him (with still a LONG ways to go) and He allowed good to come of it. What a good, good Father!

THANKFUL

As we all gather around the table with friends and family, we hope that these thoughts on thanksgiving from our EbCo Team will bless and encourage you. We are so thankful for you, our readers, and how you have helped grow our ministry! Happy Thanksgiving!

“Let all that I am praise the Lord, with my whole heart. I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the LORD; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!”  Psalm 103:1-5

The more we rest in the truth and finished work of the cross, the more we experience joy and thankfulness. If we look to our circumstances to provide happiness and contentment we will never be filled. But Christ has already come to complete what is missing in our lives – He has come to give us hope and a future. The amount of joy we experience depends on the depth of our thankfulness. In Psalm 103, David speaks through praise and thankfulness. He experiences joy through his thankfulness for all the redemption God has already provided him and the promises he’s been given. Look at what God has done for you. Where has He brought you, what has been restored? Can you use the journey to remind yourself of the tender mercies and good things you have been given? Be thankful today for the lovingkindness of the Lord, and rejoice!

-Amy

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. Therefore, my heart celebrates, and I give thanks to Him with my song.”  Psalm 28:7

This verse boasts on the back of my favorite shirt. A shirt a friend and I designed in honor of my daughter, June, who was born into the arms of her Heavenly Father earlier this month. This week, over Thanksgiving, my husband, two daughters, and I are traveling to the Big Bend area to spread June’s ashes across what I think is some of the most breathtaking terrain this side of Heaven. The fact that we get to mark this time of grief and celebration as a family on Thanksgiving is, well, astonishingly appropriate. After all, it is THANKSGIVING that allows me to grasp joy in the midst of my deepest sorrow of life. If you read the EbCo encourage post on “WAITING”, I write about David’s life in scripture. In studying and observing his life, I have found that he endured persecution, constantly fled in fear from an army who wanted to kill him, cried out in deep regret for past sin, and even endured the loss of his infant son. I flip over to Psalms and read David’s heart around his suffering – his journal, really. Yes, there are deep laments in his writing, but it’s hard to find a Psalm that does not talk about giving thanks to the Lord through his trials, fears, and regrets….and singing a new song in response.

So here I am, in the greatest sorrow of my life, facing a command to give thanks to God and sing a new song. I’m not gonna lie, that’s not exactly what I feel like doing right now. Thanking God for this circumstance….singing a song of joy and praise…it’s the opposite of the current posture of my heart. But, thankfulness is kind of like forgiveness. You must proclaim it even before you feel it. You must proclaim it even before you see the outcome. Proclaiming thankfulness changes your heart. It opens it up ever so much and gives God permission to infuse it with joy even in the deepest sorrow of life. But How do you go on to proclaim thankfulness when you can’t see beyond this ocean of grief? You thank God for His promises. His promise to comfort you and be your refuge (Psalm 91:4), His promise to give you rest (Matthew 11:28), His promise to give you joy (Psalm 16:11), His promise of eternity (1 John 2:25). Let’s set our minds on these unshakable promises of God and start proclaiming thankfulness even if we don’t feel thankful with our current circumstance. You might  be surprised to discover  joy just beyond the thankfulness.

Today, as we mourn the loss of our daughter, June, we will sing a new song, proclaiming thankfulness through the tears and opening our shattered hearts to The Lord’s promises of refuge and joy.

-Lauren

“Then you will joyfully draw water from the springs of salvation. On that day you will say, ‘Give thanks to the Lord! Call on his name! Make his deeds known among the peoples, declare how exalted is his name. Sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed — this is being made known throughout the earth.’” Isaiah 12:3-5

When we joyfully and deeply drink from the springs of salvation, thankfulness flows out of us. And at the heart of thankfulness is a desire to make God’s deeds known – to proclaim and declare to others the goodness, grace, and victories that God has made provision for. Our salvation is the greatest gift we could ever imagine, and it’s certainly enough to get us on our feet singing for joy! But our Heavenly Father continues to give good and perfect gifts to His children (Matthew 7:11, James 1:17). What wonderful deeds do you have to give thanks for? Perhaps this Thanksgiving you can declare them to those around you. God will get the glory and you will get to be a vessel for making His name known throughout the earth!

-Jenni


“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” Colossians 3:1-4

As believers in Christ, we can be thankful for what’s to come. This verse says that we will be with Him in glory! We are promised life on the perfected New Earth for eternity. It’s where we will find our soul’s satisfaction. Where we’ll get to live out our ultimate purpose. Where we will enjoy our inheritance as heirs of The King. So we can choose to set our minds on our imminent move to that better home, and find a new perspective on this short life here on earth. If we see this life for what it is, we can loosen our grip, and live out of a grateful heart for what’s already ours.

-Amanda


“Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.”  1 Chronicles 16:8

In this verse the Ark of the Covenant is being brought to Jerusalem and King David wants to celebrate! He wants to tell everyone how great God is! This makes me think…when I’m thankful for things God is doing, do I sing praises to Him? Do I proclaim His name and make His goodness known among my city, my neighborhood, my friends, and my family? Thanksgiving is a powerful witness. He is the reason for our joy and our hope and for this we cannot be ashamed! As Romans 1:16 says, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.” Let’s make it a focus this holiday season to turn our thankfulness into a mighty witness for Christ and give the gift of eternal life to so many in need of a Savior!

-Eleanor

FINDING REST IN THE ARMS OF THE FATHER

Megan McCurry

From an outsider’s perspective, I was living quite the life in New York City. Professionally, I planned events for one of the top design schools in the nation. Academically, I was enrolled in a graduate program working on my thesis and only ONE semester away from a master’s degree. I lived in an amenity-filled apartment in Brooklyn, just steps away from the best shops, restaurants, museums, parks, and theaters the borough has to offer. I was a member of a missional church community where love and support was around every corner. But, I was missing out on truly living.

Let me walk you through a few days in my life before I caved:

>Saturday, November 9, 2013 – Class from 9:30 AM to 5:30 PM with group meetings during lunch, then homework after school
>Sunday, November 10 – Repeat, church
>Monday, November 11 – Work at 9 AM, then worked an annual fundraising event from 12 PM to 12 AM (12 hours!)
>Tuesday, November 12 – Work from 9 AM to 5 PM, then a school group project from 5:30 to 8:30 PM, followed by thesis writing

As you can see, I was busy. But I was so busy that I didn’t even make the time to take care of myself so that I could keep up with all my busy-ness. My brain never rested. I’d lay awake at night as my to-do list ran through my head, or I’d sit at my desk until hunger pangs made me step away. I’d hop the subway into Manhattan, gobble down a slice of pizza on my way to group meetings, and then had zero ability to process through a 5-person dialogue. I would go 4 nights without sleep, or a whole workday with just one break. This, my friends, is not living. This is anxiety.

After more sleepless nights than I can count, many phone calls to family in Texas, and more tears than I’d ever cried, I made it safely home into my mother’s arms the Wednesday before Thanksgiving (luckily bypassing the first NYC winter storm that year). I landed in Austin with a crushing weight on my shoulders that I could no longer lift up. I needed to push a “reset” button, but how? I had a lot to finish up in New York before I could move forward.

You see, years ago a doctor told me I had Generalized Anxiety and Panic Disorder for which I took medication. My dosage had been increased even more and prescriptions were added to help with chronic insomnia. But, gosh darn it, my brain and my pride just would not give. What was I to gain from being the best employee, writing a thesis with brilliant people, or volunteering to boost my resume? Well, apparently I fought too hard. I would gain nothing if I wasn’t living for the ONE who created me…the ONE who gave me these passions in the first place. Gosh, did God humble me. I sat in a corner in my sister’s bedroom with her at my side just weeping and pleading for an answer, for sleep and rest, and to feel like a normal human being instead of a walking zombie. I wanted to serve a greater purpose.

With my family’s endearing support, I entered a treatment clinic for anxiety and sought to learn more about panic attacks since I had been having at least one per year and wanted to put them forever to bed. If I had to rate mine on a scale between 1-10, they would come in at an 11. A panic attack can be physically debilitating. My heart will skip beats, I begin to feel light-headed and short of breath, all while having chest pains and radiating pain down my left arm. It’s quite easy for my brain to tell my body I’m having a heart attack since I was actually born with a congenital heart disease, for which I’ve had three successful surgeries. Even with a positive cardiologist check-up in October, I experienced about two panic attacks per day where I felt as though I might die.

The night before I was admitted to the clinic, my twin nieces, Eleanor and Maggie, were born. With pessimism written all over my face, I felt like I was entering the worst few weeks of my life as my sister and brother-in-law were experiencing the most joy life could give. I wanted to be happy, but I felt sad and worried about myself and my ability to just function like I had the past 30+ years. I was being somewhat selfish. I knew I needed help, but I really didn’t want it. I knew I needed my dad by my side while my mom went to be with her new grand babies. And he came with no hesitation at all. But for the next month (and over the holidays), I went through the most intensive counseling and group therapy sessions, all while sharing intimate hotel quarters with my parents. And I wept and wept. Even after a full month, and still no handle on my insomnia, the clinic ran out of answers and simply prescribed a sleep study. I wanted so badly to take it in my environment in Brooklyn, but boarding a plane and heading back to “the city that never sleeps” did not seem like the wisest decision, given I could not even drive a mile. My mother drove two hours to pick me up and take me to the nearest safe place – her home in Wichita Falls.

HOPE was no longer in my vocabulary. Well, not many words were anymore. I was not sleeping, I was taking loads of prescribed medication, and I could not carry on a conversation to save my life. When your body and mind don’t emotionally and mentally rest, weird things happen. I lost my appetite. I lost some of my short and long-term memory. I had no desire to see friends. What was I going to say? That I quit my life in New York because I just couldn’t make it? Really, I feared what people would think. And I’m pretty sure that was my problem all along.

It does not matter what others think! Health and happiness are of utmost importance. I was not healthy going to work with no sleep. Tears streamed down my face at sporadic moments…even in front of my professor. I could not go back to “my life” in New York City if I didn’t find rest first. Well, I’m happy to say that I finally found rest…rest in the arms of a Father who knew every minute of my life. He knew I’d live just under 4 years in New York…that I’d come to ‘learn’ to sleep again at my mother’s home…that I’d resign from a steady job…that I’d need to take a break from school…that I’d be back in my hometown exactly four years ago, typing these very, VERY hard words long before I was a speck in the apple of His eye. And that, my friends, is comforting.

That humbling trial just four years ago was quite literally hell on earth. I didn’t think I would see the light of day. But I can sit here now and thank my God for His hand in the matter as it’s brought me to a very joy-filled season of life. I absolutely love living in Austin! It’s the perfect city for me. I have my own business with Young Living Essential Oils, and the time and financial freedom I now have are huge blessings. My community of friends is next to none, and I’ve met an incredibly sweet guy. I am thankful to be alive on this beautiful earth, and while my anxiety and panic attacks have not gone away, I can manage much better now and am passionate about supporting others with the same struggle.

Remember – God is for you! I want to leave you with two very helpful promises found in scripture:.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

BROKENNESS

I think it’s safe to say most of us don’t want to be broken. We try so desperately to appear “put together,” and being broken contradicts everything that we work so hard for. We see the word “brokenness” and it makes us sad – we feel sorry for the broken person and are thankful when it’s not us. Bones break, glass breaks, toys break, weak people break…but NOT US. We will be strong. We will hold our heads high in the midst of things that could break us, and we will push through. And if we do break, we’ll bandage ourselves up real quick and pretend like we didn’t.

But this attitude…this desire to look down upon brokenness as if it were something to avoid at all costs…this is where I think we have it all wrong! The more I experience life as a follower of Christ and the more I read the Bible, the more I see that God calls us to EMBRACE our brokenness and let it be what draws us closer to Him. Whether we are broken because of our own sin or because of circumstances in our life that are causing us to suffer, our brokenness leads us to cling to Him, and that is never something to avoid!

I was brought to tears recently in regards to the beauty of brokenness as a teacher at the recovery program I attend spoke about Kintsugi – the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery in a way that makes it much more beautiful and valuable than before it was broken. The creator uses gold, silver, or platinum to seal the cracks of the broken pottery (see the photo at the top of this post for an example). When looking at the finished product, there is no question there was a maker who created it that way. Just as the brokenness of the pottery makes it more valuable, it’s our dents and scratches that qualify us for making an impact…and even better, these scars – made beautiful by our Maker – speak to God’s grace and power! When I think about this in regard to my own life and story, I can’t help but weep with gratitude that the Lord has brought me to the point of brokenness many times – so that I too, could be lucky enough to be made more beautiful and valuable when He puts me back together, time and time again.

Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” This verse always paints a picture in my mind of His loving arms wrapped around me. When we are experiencing brokenness we have the opportunity of letting God do one of His favorite jobs – comforting us. It is a BLESSING to need Him the way we do when we feel broken. Earlier in this Psalm, in verses 4-6, David also says, “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.”

I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling super confident in my own abilities and far from broken, I call on the Lord much less. I miss the JOY of seeing God answer my prayers and hear my cries!! I love the idea that when we look to Him, we are radiant. The NLT version of the Bible says “radiant with joy”. How beautiful and simple that when we are in a state of brokenness, simply looking to Him can bring us joy. I love this about our Father. He cares for us gently in our fragile state…He doesn’t ask much of us to start the process of healing and changing – He simply asks for us to look to Him.

 

Eleanor Boynton

FAITH THE SIZE OF A MUSTARD SEED

Anonymous (to protect the privacy of others involved)

“I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”
Matthew 17:20

Most Christians have heard about “faith the size of a mustard seed.” I grew up in church and certainly heard that bible verse from the book of Matthew many times. “With faith the size of a mustard seed, I would be able to move mountains?” However, I spent most of my life, and especially the early years of my marriage, with small faith – clinging tightly to that mustard seed and trying to push mountains that were not moving. I didn’t realize at that time that God wanted me to offer up my mustard-seed-sized faith to Him so that He could grow it. I learned that sometimes the mountain moves and that sometimes we are the mountain that needs moving. Submission to God, real submission, was scary to me. Much like the would-be followers of Jesus who said, “I want to follow You, but…” I too wanted to follow Christ, but in reality, I wanted Him to follow me and allow my plans to prosper.

Of course, that’s not how God works. In fact, it’s because He loves me so much that He wrecked my plans. This is a little all over the place, but stay with me. Much of this began several years back when I became a stay at home mom on the faith that God would provide for what I felt I was being called to do. God did, and my husband got a job that provided for us in abundance. In that phase of life, free from financial worry, I quickly allowed my need for God to move to the backburner of my thoughts, and I overestimated my own abilities. I was constantly dreaming of our next financial “gain” and, for reasons that now seem so silly, I was really focused on what steps we would need to take to move “up the ladder” and into a bigger home. Clearly with a bigger home, I had convinced myself that I would be able to be more hospitable, more comfortable, and so on. Even the world around me reinforced this idea. Everywhere I look, it seems that even many Christians support the notion that God is a genie and ready to give us whatever we wish for. I thought if I just worked hard enough or prayed hard enough, then God would move mountains that were blocking me from getting what I wanted most. Man, I was so off.

We were suddenly forced to operate on a much smaller budget when my husband’s field of work took quite a tumble. However, the biggest blow was dealt the day my second child was born, when my husband got a call in the hospital that his branch of the company would soon be laid off. My husband was wise enough to not share that information with me in the hospital, and instead shared it with me 2 weeks after the chaos of life with a toddler and newborn began. I felt panicked. I felt desperate. When would this happen? How soon? My career was in teaching and a mid-school-year position would be hard to find. Even if I could find a job it wouldn’t pay all of our bills. In theory, finances are “first world problems,” but in reality, anyone who has faced financial crisis knows that the worry can be constant or sickening.

One night, soon after I found out the news, I was the only one awake while everyone else was sleeping (a common occurance for me). I walked through my home praying, and stopped to look over the place where we kept all of the kids’ toys. I confessed to God that I was anxious about His plan for me. I remember specifically thinking, “What if it’s God’s sovereign plan that I should lose this house? We would be so ashamed. What would we do? How could we possibly live in a place even smaller than we live in now where we are already tight?” It was then that I realized that I had the belief that God is sovereign and that I couldn’t skirt His plan for me. So I prayed and asked God to help me believe that He was good and to grow my small faith so that I could walk willingly into whatever He had planned for me.

Over the next few months, we prepared for my husband’s inevitable end at his job as he looked for employment. However, the work he had was dwindling and we were living hand to mouth. In this time of financial desperation, I felt God drawing me near and showing me, time and time again, that He was worthy of my trust. I remember one time in particular where we had messed up the budget for the week, leaving us without money for a few days, and I was down to just a few diapers. By this time we’d burned through our savings and were barely staying afloat. In that moment of realization I felt so much distress and shame and despair, and so I did all I could do – I cried out to God to see my need. I asked Him to take my burden from me because I could not carry it. To clear my mind, I took my kids on a walk around the neighborhood and stopped to get the mail. Inside of the mailbox was a postcard from a major box store that just launched their own diaper brand…for a free pack of diapers. I laughed with joy that the God of the universe saw my need and met it. The God of the universe did not and does not owe me His effort in proving His might, but He was and is so sweet to repeatedly provide evidence to me of His amazing love. My mustard seed grew. Fast forward a few months, and my husband and I were preparing to bring a teenager facing homelessness into our home. It suddenly seemed to make tons of sense that my husband was no longer in a job where he had to travel constantly. That job of his that our hearts had once clung to so tightly – we easily let go of and God provided another job for my husband.

After this teenager moved in with us, our home seemed even smaller and my heart still desired a bigger home. I believed more space would make our lives much easier and more comfortable. God allowed me to have what I most wanted, and just like that we sold our home and moved into a much larger one. I didn’t think much about the way the move would affect the sense of belonging or stability of this child who had moved in with us, who was still adjusting to a new, and likely temporary family. I also didn’t think much about how the move would affect my own biological children who were adjusting to so much change already.

For me, the new and bigger house was a symbol that my plans had not been derailed and that we were still rising the “ranks” as a family. But this wasn’t true, and it was a lie I was trying so hard to believe. I was still trying to live in two worlds at this point. One of my worlds was one where I followed Christ despite the cost. Yet we’d brought in a teenager facing lots of legal trouble and homelessness to live with us, and I wanted to pretend there was not a cost. I wanted to pretend that I could still live in the world I’d lived in before, where so many people I admired were still operating – a world where I could pursue worldly desires and accomplishments. There are several crude ways to say you can’t live in two worlds. On top of everything else, I loathed our huge house. The cleaning took up all of my time and was an enormous burden on my life which was already filled with two toddlers and a teenager who had an enormous amount of court appointments, school meetings, and doctors visits. I began to loathe my worldly possession – the house – and over time, God enabled me to see that it was a burden and actually kept me from enjoying the gifts in my life. I looked around one day and realized I’d been a total fool for thinking that a big house would bring any joy to my day-to-day life. God was so sweet and kind. He did not just expect me to accept a lifestyle that is not materially focused, He showed me by giving me what I thought I wanted. He changed my heart to be aligned with His regarding what I wanted. I knew God was growing my mustard seed into bigger faith, and I was beginning to see that He was moving the “mountain me” out of my own way.

Our teenager moved back with his mom who had been getting things in order, and we knew that we were again facing change. My husband received an amazing job offer that moved us (again) to where we currently are. When we moved, we felt led to be intentionally conservative in where we lived so that we could recoup from the past few years, and move forward with a more clear focus on living conservatively so that we could be better flexible to serve. I laugh now, to think of the night I cringed with fear over God’s ability to move me from my home that I loved, because I now live in 800 square feet with my husband and three children. It’s insane – and while I love not having a huge house to clean or keep up, which has allowed us as a family to focus on our time together, stress less, and open up our finances toward helping more people, I am definitely hoping that God plans to give us a bit more wiggle room in the future. But I now know that I don’t want much more, and I know that even if I am in this home forever, He is still good. So good.

I have had struggles in my life that were what most would consider more serious than financial struggles, but, in all honesty, the stress of money is just so ever present as a parent, and seeing God respond to me on this journey has grown my faith the most. My mustard seed of faith is growing, and I know God’s love is so real; not because He allows us to do what we want, but because He so lovingly shepherded me toward what His will is. I know He is still chipping away at my mountain which is my love of the world and its perceived comforts, and I have faith that He will bring that to completion in me.

If you are standing in any situation and you don’t see a solution, but you have even the smallest amount of faith that God cares for you – hand it over! Ask God to help you in your unbelief. Ask Him to grow your small faith. He is trustworthy to do it. He will move the mountain, just maybe not the mountain you were planning on.

LOSING A CHILD; GAINING JESUS

 

Jennifer Greever

 

When I look back at pictures of my husband, Andrew, and I during the summer of 2015, I am overwhelmed with mixed emotions. Sadness – because those naive people have no idea how their life is about to be turned upside down. Thankfulness – because we are not those people anymore. We are now more open-handed, compassionate, joyful, and peaceful – all thanks to God and the gift of our second baby.

 

At our 12 week appointment we were excited to see the baby and possibly make a guess of the gender. While looking at the screen, Andrew asked the sonogram technician why the heart looked like it was beating in the stomach area. She quickly responded that it was just the position the baby was in and continued on. I prepared to go back out into the waiting room until the doctor was ready to see me as Andrew said goodbye so he could head back to work. The sonogram technician said “Oh, you are leaving? The doctor wants to talk with both of you.” We knew what that meant and our heads began spinning. When our doctor entered the room and told us we had some things to talk about, my heart sank.

 

The heart was beating lower than normal because our baby had a birth defect. The baby was too small to know for sure the specific diagnosis, but it was clear that the abdominal wall had not completely closed and some organs were outside of the body. Our doctor gave us best and worst case scenarios, the name of a high risk doctor to see, and prayed with us. I knew none of this was surprising to God, but that prayer was the first of many times that day that I realized God had already been preparing us. A doctor with bold faith who would pray for us when we had no words. A best friend that is a pediatrician with extensive knowledge of what we were facing. A pastor who immediately met to encourage us with biblical truth. God had directed our paths to these people long before that October day. He is working behind the scenes of our life with purpose.

 

We had completed a blood test to check for genetic abnormalities at the 12 week appointment and when our doctor called to tell us there was in fact a genetic abnormality (although unrelated to the birth defect), he also told us it was a boy. A sweet second boy we decided to name Jack. My mind raced to life with two boys and the fun, messy life we might have. It also raced to what we might not have. I felt this beautiful blessing was being dangled in front of me like a mouse to a cat – only to have it possibly yanked away. During the two weeks of waiting for our high risk appointment, I began to wrestle with what God was doing. Did He let this happen? Why did He not form my baby “perfectly”? It was a time filled with doubts, tears, and pleading with the Lord to save our baby boy.

 

When we went to our high risk appointment and the sonogram started, I knew it was worst case scenario. The picture on the screen was unrecognizable. I could make out the head of our baby, but the rest was messy. I closed my eyes and silently cried. I couldn’t look for a second longer. At the end of the sonogram the doctor described our baby’s condition in simple terms. The abdominal wall – from the shoulders to the hips – had closed around the placenta and was now attached to it, along with all of the organs. Not compatible with life.

 

Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” We were brokenhearted. We were crushed. We would never bring this baby home and our oldest son, Tate, would never know his brother. We were entering into a season of waiting for a known outcome for an unknown length of time. It also happened to coincide with the holiday season. Everyone around us was joyful and anticipating Christmas. I was reluctantly putting my best face forward to try and do the same. For the first time, while listening to Christmas music, the words of O Holy Night struck me as if I was listening for the first time. “The weary world rejoicing…” The words resonated deep within my weary soul. A reminder that I could still rejoice, still have hope. God was close in the midst of our sadness. A small part of me felt connected in a new way to the Lord. Both of us with sons. I would have never chosen death for Jack, but God had sent His only Son to die so that we could be saved.

 

For 14 weeks we went to weekly appointments to check on Jack. Those appointments consisted of checking on Jack’s growth, my fluid levels, and if he still had a heart beat. As I drove away from each appointment I could envision the words of Chris Tomlin’s song, Good Good Father, “as you call me deeper still…” God was calling us deeper into this trial. Deeper into the pain. Deeper into trust. Deeper into faith.

 

Once Jack started kicking, the cruelty of the situation made every moment tougher. I was feeling my son kick inside of me, but I would never get to bring him home. The kicks were my favorite part of my first pregnancy, but this time it was just another reminder of our current reality. I had been a Christian for close to 20 years, but this was the first time I felt truly dependent on the Lord. I would wake up praying and fall asleep crying out to God. Lamentations 3:22-24 says, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion’ says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.” People would tell me they didn’t know how I was “doing it.” I wasn’t – God was. He truly was my strength and my portion every day.

 

I daily had to surrender my doubts and fears and decide if what I said I believed as a Christian was what I was going to actually believe. I felt an immense pressure to ‘suffer well’. My family, friends, and coworkers knew I loved Jesus. If I questioned God, wasn’t thankful for this trail because it gave us our second baby, Jack, or just couldn’t muster the strength to be a witness of God’s purpose in trials – what would they think? I was comforted by the story of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Matthew 26:39 & 42 say, “Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will’…He went away a second time and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.’” Jesus cried and yelled out, just as I was doing, but He also prayed that if the cup would not pass, that He would be obedient in drinking it. And so we continued on, knowing that it was okay to be sad and hurt, but with the desire for God to prepare our hearts for what was ahead.

 

On January 12th at 12:45am, Jack was born into Heaven. The following hours we got to be with Jack were mostly peaceful, but as the sun rose and we knew our time with him was ending – it was gut wrenching. I had not thought about what it would be like to give my child’s earthly body to another person – never to see it again. In God’s great mercy, the nurse was the same nurse that had helped us deliver our first son. The comfort of knowing her made it possible. God is always in the details. He cares so deeply for us, even in the painful situations He has allowed in our lives.

Almost immediately after we had received the diagnosis, Andrew and I felt God giving us such peace in knowing Jack would be in Heaven. I had never really thought much about Heaven before or studied it in scripture, but during that season I could not enough. As a believer, how could I be sad that my son was going to experience a glorious eternity with Jesus? God helped me to realize that Jack was never going to have to experience this sinful world and would only know the joy of Heaven. What a wonderful life! In the end, Jack got Heaven and through his short life we got more of Jesus.

 

Because of Jack, truths that I once simply knew, I now believe. I believe that Jesus and eternity in Heaven are far greater than any person or thing on this earth. I know that trials and suffering are promised in this sinful world and believe that God allows it for our ultimate good and His glory. I believe He is good and will meet you in the depths of sorrow. I believe that God is always faithful – He was faithful to our prayers for more children in giving us Jack and was faithful in giving us our third son, Nixon, in April of 2017.

 

I have realized that all three of our sons do not belong to Andrew and me. They are God’s and we are thankful to have them entrusted to us for however long He has planned. We look forward with great anticipation to all being with Jack in Heaven one day. Until then we will continue to bring glory to God though the story of his life. As it says in Isaiah 61:3, “He has crowned us with beauty instead of ashes, given us joy in place of mourning, made us praise and not despair.”

ABIDE

Several weeks ago, as our EbCo Team was signing up for our Encourage posts, God put the word “abide” on my heart. Originally, our schedule had me writing this the week after Thanksgiving, but some things needed to be moved around, and this assignment got pushed up. I can’t help but see God’s divine timing in this seemingly insignificant change. Over the past two weeks, He has consistently reminded me of the importance of abiding in Christ.

No matter how hard we try to make this earthly abode comfortable and secure, it seems that rarely a week goes by without being reminded of the brokenness of our world. In two weeks time, I have praised God for His protection over my brother who daily rides his bike to work in New York – just miles away from the recent terror attack, while mourning the loss of eight innocent lives. A friend gave birth to her stillborn baby. A family member and two friends just found out they either have been or could possibly be diagnosed with cancer. And this past Sunday, a madman entered a church in Texas and gunned down the body of believers who had gathered there to worship. The pastor is the uncle-in-law of a friend. The recently discovered leaking water pipe and resulting cracking walls and floor in my home pale in comparison, but also seem to be a symbolic reminder of this temporary dwelling that sometimes just looks as though it’s falling apart at the seams.

Yet God has not left us here as orphans. In John 14, Jesus is giving His disciples some final words of instruction and encouragement. He says in verses 1-3, “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.” How amazing is it that our Savior has gone to prepare an eternal, perfect home for us, where we will abide with Him forever? Yet, even more amazing, is that while we are here, He promises to manifest Himself to us, to make His home within us: “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” (vs 23) This is accomplished through the Holy Spirit dwelling in us. (1 Corinthians 3:16)

When we place our trust in Jesus, accepting Him as our Savior, His very Spirit enters into our hearts. But this indwelling of the Holy Spirit is meant to be a relationship. Jesus says in Revelation 3:20, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” He doesn’t come to stand silent in the corner, or to constantly look over our shoulders with a judgmental glare. No. He comes to commune with us, to have fellowship with us, to break bread with us. Our eternity is secured when we place our faith in Christ, but He invites us into a much deeper, intimate place that comes from abiding in Him.

To truly thrive as we sojourn through this life as temporary residents, we must abide in Christ – the True Vine from Whom abundant life is found. After Jesus promises the Holy Spirit, He gives His disciples these instructions: “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing…If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” (John 15:5, 7-11)

John Piper says, “If a branch remains or abides attached to the vine in such a way that it is receiving all that the branch has to give, then that is a picture of believing or trusting Jesus…Believing is a receiving of Christ into the soul, welcoming Him, trusting Him, as it were, drinking and eating and savoring Him.” When we truly abide in Him, we receive and believe in His words – the Word of God. When we receive His words through abiding, we obey His words. John writes in 1 John 3:24, “Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us.”

I have found through personal experience that there is no greater way to abide in Christ – to abide in His love and to experience the fullness of His joy – than to spend time in His Word. Like any relationship, it takes work for it to grow and develop into something deeper. And God has given us His Word in order to reveal Himself to us. As I fill my thoughts with His thoughts, it in turn renews and transforms my thoughts to become more like Christ’s. Allowing His words to seep down into my soul, taking root and bearing fruit.

David writes in Psalm 27:4, “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” How blessed are we that we do not have a temple that we must make a pilgrimage to in order to seek the Lord? He has chosen to make us His Temple. He abides in us and then calls us to abide deeply in Him.

Wherever you are in this season of your life, whether stormy seas or still calm waters, I hope that you will strive to press on to abide in the One Who humbled Himself in human form, dwelt among us, and made a way for us to abide with Him, in the present, as well as throughout eternity.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust.’
For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler

and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his pinions,

and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.”
Psalm 91:1-4

Jenni Norsworthy

THE HOUSE THAT GOD BUILT

 

Selena Thompson

Buying a house in Plano, Texas in the middle of 2015 was hard to say the least. The housing market during that time was a seller’s market to the extreme degree. With billion dollar businesses moving into the area, houses were selling before they were even on the market – literally! Stories of people pulling over to make offers on houses that were still in the remodel phase, offering $10-20 thousand over the asking price, and realtors limiting the number of offers taken to fifty of the highest bids were commonplace. That’s what we were up against.


However, this journey began in early 2013 when my husband, Michael, and I decided to separate under the assumption that divorce would be the next step. We had been married 5½ years and thought we were happy nearly the entire time. In our ignorance (sometimes I think it was arrogance), we thought we were really good at this marriage thing. We thought that because we were in love there wasn’t an issue that we couldn’t solve, right? Wrong! At the time, we felt like it came out of nowhere! But it didn’t. It was a combination of not fully trusting in Christ, as well as bad habits that had grown out of our isolation. Habits that could have been identified and put to death within biblical community. The issues that led to our decision had crept up on us, and what followed were some very painful months.


Fear and doubt had led me to believe that Michael was having an affair with his assistant at work. After getting a management position, he spent all his time there and was often there 7 days a week. Even when he did take vacation, his phone became his office and enjoying time with the family seemed like an interruption to his work. I remember an instance when our daughter and I went down to the hotel pool after checking in while he stayed in the room to “call and check on work.” He never made it down to swim with us. In my anger and sadness during this time, I took comfort in a co-worker which led to an affair. Michael and I were in agreement that a separation was necessary; however, he did not know about my infidelity. But it didn’t take long for the truth to be revealed, and in retaliation he had an affair of his own – with his assistant. I felt like I had caused the very thing I was afraid of. My insecurities were leading me down a destructive path. We both spent 9 months in a dark, rage-filled, self-destructive place.


By the end of 2013, I had returned to church, where I found a women’s bible study group that supported me with their prayers. With God’s leading, I turned away from my sin and began pursuing a reconciled marriage and relationship with Christ. Michael on the other hand, was running. He had moved from the small, west Texas town where we lived to take a new position in his company in Plano. He openly admits he had applied for the position to get away from me. Little did he know that God would use His people to speak truth into his life in this new environment. One of Michael’s employees described life lived after divorce and what it was like to live without the person God had joined you with. God was softening Michael’s heart and allowed him to see what the other side of divorce really looked like. He agreed to commit to reconciliation and I moved to Plano in January of 2014. We immediately got to work on ourselves, our marriage, our financial situation, and most importantly, our faith in Jesus! All four areas had suffered greatly over the years, and our financial portfolio had taken a nosedive in the nine months we were apart – living in separate houses with zero accountability and both giving into our vices. God again used His people during that year as we began attending Watermark Church and getting plugged into a marriage ministry called ReEngage. That year was hard, with many painful confessions and bringing to light the fear and complacency that had become commonplace in our marriage. But as we were faithful, God was faithful to His Word. We were experiencing God’s promise to His people in Joel 2:25, “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten…”

In 2015, we were back on our financial feet and ready to plant roots in DFW. We had fallen in love with Plano, where Watermark happened to be planting a campus, so we were excited to settle down there. That was the problem though – so was everybody else. After 6 months of pushing our budget limits on offers, writing heartfelt letters to sellers, and losing bids before we were even able to tour the house, we caught a break. A house that had been taken off the market and quietly put back on the market was available, and we were one of only two bids. We bought the house! Everything seemed to go smoothly and we were ready to move in. That is when I began to realize that in the excitement of not letting this house get away, I had overlooked some key “must haves” and desires I had for the house I wanted.

As I began to put our home together in the months that followed, I became more and more resentful toward the house. It went beyond the massive amount of painting I had to do in almost every room. The kitchen wasn’t big enough, there weren’t enough windows, it wasn’t as “open concept” as I wanted, the bathrooms were too small, and on and on. I was not holding back on voicing these opinions either. One day Michael had enough. His exact words were, “I feel like I have to defend our house to you.” He went on to say that my negativity regarding the house was making him sad, and that not only did he not share my feelings, he felt the complete opposite. All those things were still true. This was not our dream house. He had wants of his own, like a huge garage and a covered patio and a house that didn’t need so much work. But regardless of all this house didn’t have, it did have something that meant so much to my husband – something that I had missed altogether. He shared with me that after everything we had been through and after all the pain and hard work to fight our way back to each other, he saw this house as something solid. He saw this house as the foundation we were going to build on. He saw this house as God’s blessing – putting an end to the old life we left behind and the provision of the new life we were entrusting to Him. He saw this house, with both “Michael and Selena Thompson” on the deed as a concrete foundation to the life that we were promising to live with each other and with God dwelling in it, always. I was broken in that moment. I had missed all of that! I was so worried about the material things that I failed to see all that Lord had provided, and in the process I had hurt my husband’s feelings.


The Lord has taught me a lot of things in the past couple of years. I mean, really, a lot of things! But being grateful for a house was not a lesson I thought I needed to learn.  I thanked God every minute of every day for restoring my marriage, for saving my family from total destruction, for making my husband into a man of God that is joyful in learning how to lead us well. But that day, seeing the hurt in Michael’s eyes and hearing the hurt in his voice, I learned that my selfishness was keeping me from enjoying all that the Lord had provided. Our house is a symbol of what the Lord can do. Our house is an example of the roots that we planted, that the Lord now waters and feeds every day. In 2 Samuel 7:10 it says, “And I will appoint a place for my people Israel and will plant them, so that they may dwell in their own place and be disturbed no more.” Our house is now a place of love and comfort, of healing and rest. Our house says to the world that Michael and Selena Thompson are married, are together, and are in it for the long haul. Our house says to God, we will serve Him and do well with our provision. Our house now says to me God will and did restore what doubt and fear and the enemy tried to destroy. Our house is not my dream house – it’s better – it is the house that God built!

TRUST AND SACRIFICE


Brooke Fish

 

I’m about to share a shocking revelation with you. Being a mom is NOT for the faint of heart. It is stinkin’ hard work, with no days off. Ever. And that is one of the very reasons I love August. Back to School, baby! Families everywhere prepare to send their children back to school. Some with glee and others with tears. For me, it’s full on glee. Don’t get me wrong, my family loves our time together during the summer months, but we love the much needed return of routine and seeing friends daily.

 

Our school is both hard and good. It is filled with wonderful, God-loving teachers and staff along with amazing families, all dedicated to one thing – the kids. Despite everyone’s best efforts to make our school the best it can be, public school brings its own set of challenges. Many of our students are at or below poverty level, many children live in single-parent homes, and many of our students are refugees from war-torn countries. None of the aforementioned factors are a problem. In fact, they are a large part of what makes our school so great! It’s the challenges associated with these facts that brings about difficulty.

 

Since 1st grade, my oldest son, Jude, who is now in 6th grade, has lost a best friend due to the transient nature of many families at our school. Other best friends often end up in different classes, due to the sheer number of students in our school. (It’s pretty dang big!) And while this has been the case for our oldest, our youngest, Liam, has been blessed to have a best friend in his class for both Kinder and 1st. Which, praise God, because he is a people person. He does NOT like being alone! His love bank is filled by quality time with friends and family.

 

Last year, 2nd grade, was our first year without a bestie by his side. While tears were shed upon finding out that all of his buddies were in other classes, he managed to change his attitude and was determined to have a “happy heart” and make new friends. We had good days and bad days. The bad days were really bad. I’m a stay at home mama, so I volunteer up at the school a lot. There were days I would run into him crying and begging me to take him home. He would often go to the nurse’s office complaining of a tummy ache in hopes of going home. Bedtime cuddles were filled with tears and prayers. Mornings became a battle just to get him out of bed. Hearing “please don’t make me go mommy” and “I don’t feel safe there” became more and more frequent. It was heartbreaking. I felt like I was failing him as a mama and protector.

 

My husband and I prayed a TON that year. We prayed with Liam, for Liam, and for our school. I met with his teachers, counselor, and finally the Principal. His homeroom teacher and I would often text each other to alert of bad days or ask for prayer. The Principal and I came up with a plan for the following year that would ensure he’d be in class with at least one of his best friends. I gave her a list of 5 friends and she promised to put at least one of them in class with Liam the following year. We survived the remainder of that year with full dependence on God and believing that 3rd grade promised to be better.

 

Our Principal ended up retiring at the end of that school year, and as teacher assignments were mailed out, we discovered that our friend request had somehow gotten lost in the shuffle of the many changes. Our entire family was saddened; however, we had managed to get the teacher we prayed for. We also found out that a new and dear friend we hadn’t requested was in Liam’s class! Hooray! God is good. And then, on day three of the new school year, our friend was transferred to a different class due to necessary schedule changes. “Here we go again,” we thought.

 

I marched myself up to the school to put an end to this madness! I prayed the entire walk there, “Lord, please calm my heart. Let my words honor You.” I said this over and over while taking deep breaths and fighting back tears. We couldn’t do another year like last year, and I was determined that we wouldn’t! I marched down to his teacher’s room, but she had already left for the day. I marched myself back to the office and asked to speak to the new Principal. He was gracious and kind. He listened to all of my concerns and we came up with a new plan of attack. Option 1: switch classes – which meant losing the amazing teacher that we had prayed for. Option 2: find a few friends in Liam’s class that he wanted to get to know better and have weekly fun activities planned with them and the school counselor. Neither option rang of excitement for Liam.

 

Not ones to “hand pick” teachers for our boys, choosing another class for Liam and leaving the teacher God had chosen for him was less than appealing to me and my husband. And yet, as a mama, my heart ached at the idea of another year like the previous one. I was so mad at the school and felt so let down by God! How could this happen? Couldn’t He have prevented this? Where was He? My son was hurting and so was I! My husband on the other hand had great peace and insight. Because let’s face it, most husbands do, and it can be real annoying at times. “Let’s go to God’s Word and listen for Him to speak and guide us down the right path.”

 

Liam took his Jesus Storybook Bible to his room and prayed for guidance. A few minutes later he came back to the living room and exclaimed, “this book didn’t tell me anything!” Haha. Nice. We asked him to go grab his Bible and bring it to us so that we could discuss what he had read together. He opened his bible to 1 Kings where Solomon built the Temple, partnering with Lebanon for cedar and others for labor. Liam pointed at the picture of men working together to cut the cedar and said, “I think these guys are friends and they’re able to do all the work because they’re a team.” Whoa. Wise words, crafted by our sweet 9 year old boy. Then my husband challenged him, “What if they aren’t friends and they’re getting to know one another by working together as a team?” Because I’m awesomely loving and supportive, I rolled my eyes and was filled with frustration. I thought to myself, “I dodn’t want my son in pain again; going through another year of feeling left out and alone! So just shut up husband, with all your wisdom and peace!”

 

As we put Liam to bed that night, we asked him to pray for the next 24 hours and listen for direction from God. And I promised Liam that I too would search God’s Word and pray for wisdom. I climbed into bed a little later and couldn’t believe it…I opened my Bible to Ezra. Guess what? Chapter 3 talks of restoring the Temple! One would think this seemingly obvious sign would bring me peace, right? But as I read and prayed, I kept getting visions of Abraham and Isaac and a sense of sacrifice. It felt as though God was asking me to trust Him and to sacrifice my plans and hopes for Liam. To make matters worse, my husband shared that he thought God was telling us that our son was God’s temple and He was doing a mighty work in Liam to prepare him for something that was bigger than 3rd grade.

 

I felt as though I was on an emotional roller coaster and all of my emotions and hormones were just beneath the surface waiting to explode! I dropped to my knees and wailed. Crying out to God, “Please don’t make me do this! Please don’t make me force my son to stay in this class with no friends again this year! Please, please don’t do this!” My feelings prevented me from seeing the goodness of the Lord and the truth of His Word. He promises that He works all things for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) That He will never leave us. (Joshua 1:9) That He will guide us. (Proverbs 3:5-6) That He is a loving Father who gives good gifts. (Matthew 7:11) But I couldn’t see any of it. I was relying on my feelings instead of God’s Word. (I’m pretty sure feelings alone are not to be trusted no matter how real they feel, or how valid.) That night, I ugly cried myself to sleep, asking God for another way.

 

The next morning, we prayed as a family. We told our son to pray throughout the day as well, asking God for wisdom and guidance. And that we would support whatever decision he felt was best. Now, some may feel that is a little too much to put on the shoulders of a small boy. But, we truly believe that the Holy Spirit is every bit as much in our boys as He is in us. And that the Spirit can guide them, just as much as He guides us. I mean, how old was David when he conquered Goliath? Or Samuel when he first heard the Lord call him?

 

At 3:05 that afternoon, I heard boys running in the front door. Jude walked in and said, “Liam’s staying with friends on the playground. Oh, and he made his decision. He’s staying in his class.” Wait! What? All the sudden this was no big deal, and Liam wasn’t even coming home to share the big news with me? Did I hear this right? I asked Jude, “Serious?!?” He was excited to tell me how he walked over to Liam’s pick up line, ready to walk home, and asked him right away, “Do you know what you’re going to do?” He said Liam replied quickly and with a smile, “Yeah, I’m gonna stay in Ms. William’s class” and then ran off to play.

 

My heart was so full. It was a proud mama moment to be sure, but what had all the sudden given my child so much peace that he didn’t even come home to share the news with me? When Liam came home a little later, we chatted about his decision. He shared that as soon as he walked into his classroom that morning, his teacher gave him a big hug and asked how he was doing. (She knew he was having a hard time and knew all about the previous year.) And that was all he needed. A hug. That simple. Knowing he was loved and that his feelings mattered meant the world to him. He said he knew she was the right teacher for him. Annnnnd, my heart exploded all over the place. Tears filled my eyes. “God is so good isn’t He?” I asked, “He knew just what you needed all along.”

 

This 24 hour journey immediately went into our family’s Ebenezer Journal. I never want to forget the time my little boy taught me the value of a hug. Or the time that God asked both of us to do something BIG – trust and obey. It’s rarely easy. The sacrifice is often great. God doesn’t always answer our prayers quickly. But, I’ve walked with God long enough to know that He is still working. The story isn’t over yet. God will continue to do mighty works in and through His temple, my son, Liam. I am beyond honored to have a front row seat and an active role in the adventure!

PRAISE

The truth about God, however you have experienced Him, is still the truth about God. His character never changes, He is still the same, yesterday, today and forever. Our perspective and understanding of the Lord is what often impacts our ability to praise Him. So what perspective do you have? Are you looking for God to do something to make your life better or change your circumstance? Are you missing out on the blessings He has already given you and has planned for you? Do you realize your worship is your weapon against whatever comes against you? (the words of Pastor Steven Furtick)

There is life in praising God. Read more to see what I mean. Webster’s Dictionary describes praise as “a warm approval or admiration of.” There are three Greek and nineteen Hebrew definitions for praise relating to similar definitions for rejoice, jump for joy, sing, dance, hold in adoration, and celebrate. Can you perhaps understand what David means when he writes in Psalm 34:8, “Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!”?

We were made to praise the Lord! Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? (1 Cor 3:16) John writes in 1 John 4:13, “This is how we know that we live in Him and He in us: He has given us of His Spirit.” Did you know we are filled with the same spirit as Jesus was, in Acts 17:24-27, Paul tells us that God made the world and everything in it, that He Himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else, for in Him we live and move and have our being! God is the ultimate Provider, Healer, and Father. He satisfies all of our needs when we turn to Him and see Him for who He is.

In scripture, even Jesus is documented praising God. We read in Matthew 26:30, at the Last Supper, Jesus sings along with His disciples! After singing psalms, they went out to the Mount of Olives. Jesus knew His Father and was praising Him, even knowing He is soon to be crucified on the cross for each of us, but trusting fully in God’s promises. Turn your eyes toward the Lord, fully trust in His promises, and allow your heart to hear from His tender mercies and lovingkindness. Then you too will be able to praise Him.

Jesus is described in Revelation 5 as the King of Praise (Judah translates in Hebrew to “praise”), the Lion and the Lamb. This passage goes on to explain that Jesus, the perfect Lamb with perfect wisdom, perfect power, and the perfect spirit of God, was slain and His blood purchased you for God. Jesus was worthy to open the scroll described in this passage because He was perfect! We have been redeemed – reclaimed for your original purpose as a child of God through believing in Jesus. In Rev 5:11, thousands upon thousands, ten thousand times ten thousand angels loudly proclaim, “Worthy is the lamb, who was slain to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise.” Then every creature in heaven and on earth and in the sea proclaimed in verse 13, “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb, be praise and honor and glory and power for ever and ever.” This passage gives us a glimpse of the purpose angels were created for – to praise God. They only see the perfection of Jesus and in praise they loudly proclaim that truth. What will it take for you to see the Lord this way? Jesus was perfect and the work He did on the cross is finished. There is nothing else we can do to achieve salvation, freedom, or redemption apart from trusting and embracing the finished work of our Savior.

1 Peter 2:9 says, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” How amazing is that! We have an inheritance, but have we accepted it? Lift up your (proverbial) hands and let your whole heart praise Him for who He is (perfect, loving, Savior, Provider, Healer, Father) and what He has already done (died for our sins, mistakes, choices that did not go well for us and brought us back to God as His children). Praising God is an act of gratitude for all that has been done for you. Just you and Him; no one else. Can you think of something (or many things) to praise God for today?

When we can actually believe that all things are from Him and through Him and to Him, (Romans 11:36) we can accurately give God the glory. Even when things are not exactly like we want, we can rest and have peace, knowing that God gives all good things and He always keeps His promises. He is with us and His Spirit dwells in us.

Here are some lyrics that describe what I am talking about.
Love So Great – Hillsong Worship

Your love so great
Jesus in all things
I’ve seen a glimpse of Your heart
A billion years
Still I’ll be singing

How can I praise You enough?
You are the Lord Almighty
Outshining all the stars in glory
Your love is like the wildest ocean
Oh, nothing else compares

Creation calls
All to the Saviour
We are alive for Your praise
In earth and sky, no one is higher

Our God of wonders, You reign
Not to us, but to Your Name
We lift up all praise

A friend was recently sharing part of her spiritual journey with me and she explained that when she heard the lyrics of Ever Be, a song by Natalie Grant, she was finally able to feel connected with God and her heart was inclined to praise Him for the first time in a long time. She was in a place of dependence and gratitude with the Lord, as she reflected on all that the Lord had recently done in her heart. She admitted that there were plenty of things in her life that still weren’t the way she wanted, and was even grieving much loss. But she felt in that moment of worship, in hearing these words, she could praise Him.

Your love is devoted like a ring of solid gold
Like a vow that is tested like a covenant of old
Your love is enduring through the winter rain
And beyond the horizon with mercy for today

Faithful You have been and faithful you will be
You pledge yourself to me and it’s why I sing

For us to truly believe the words above, our hearts have to be connected to the Lord. We have to fight for this sometimes when we are struggling through hardships or heartbreak, but the truth of who God is, regardless of my current circumstance, allows me to praise Him – no matter what I am going through. He doesn’t leave us in the hard places; rather He wants us to draw near to Himself and show us our utter desperation for Him. “You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble, You surround me with songs of deliverance.” Psalm 32:7.

Is your heart open to hearing the faithfulness of God and what He has been doing in your life? Can you take a few moments to turn off the distractions, whether in quietness and rest or in worship and song, and hear from God enough to praise Him?

You Father the orphan
Your kindness makes us whole
And you shoulder our weakness
And your strength becomes our own
Now you’re making me like you
Clothing me in white
Bringing beauty from ashes
For You will have Your bride
Free of all her guilt and rid of all her shame
And known by her true name and it’s why I sing
Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips
You will be praised You will be praised
With angels and saints we sing worthy are You Lord
Amy Merritt

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